1. Do not say that your Mom's frybread is "the best" versus the Angry Ojibwa Woman's frybread, unless of course, she is your mother. Every Angry Ojibwa Woman has her own frybread recipe. Do not say, "Youse mom uses baking powder in her frybread!" You will be hit with the well-known Angry Ojibwa Woman's "EyeSnap" which we all know is a vicious traumatizing assault on a person - so be warned. You also hear, from the Angry Ojibwa Woman herself, that her recipe is a long held family recipe that she will NOT reveal to anyone. Most likely she adds both baking powder and yeast and often dried commodity milk, eggs, and potato flakes! But I never told you that! I also have witnessed an Angry Ojibwa Woman going to the local baker and having them sell her dough in big batches and for years no one knew (This is a smart intelligent Angry Ojibwa Woman who we all need to learn from in understanding that what The FryBread Consumer doesn't know will never hurt them!) Lastly, the rule of thumb is that the Angry Ojibwa Woman has to experience failed dough at least 50 times in her life in order to be recognized as a Frybread Expert!
2. Do not stand behind the Angry Ojibwa Woman while she is cooking hoping to grab a piece of frybread! Number one, because you are by hot oil. Number two, she will crack you really hard with her fist which is full of flour and maybe a large utensil. Both of these are hard learned lessons and if you go back for a second attempt...who are we to tell you anything different!
3. The Angry Ojibwa Woman will use anything in her reach to flatten out the frybread including lifting her Onsie and using her thigh! Do not be drinking hot coffee while observing this for obvious reasons!
4. If you attempt to touch the dough thinking you are helping the Angry Ojibwa Woman because she looks overwhelmed...get the hell out of the way! She will tell you to not play with it because it will get hard and then crack you with her fist that is full of flour or a large utensil. By the way, when she refers to "it", she means the dough!
5. Most Angry Ojibwa Woman are required to make frybread early in their lives. It is not something that they "love" to do! In fact, as soon as someone looks like they are old enough to take over the job, they will be taught to make it whether they like it or not. This includes men and they sometimes are better at it then the Angry Ojibwa Woman, unless of course, we are talking about your mother. It is always assumed that standing over bread dough making tedious small round sections to fry in hot oil on a hot day is something an Angry Ojibwa Woman "loves to do"! Wrong! Snap out of it!
6. As we get older, we the Angry Ojibwa Woman will usually get diabetes or high cholesterol! This is almost always a fact! Due to her "love" of cooking high cholesterol frybread for her loved ones, she will eventually get sick. She is then told by the ones that she is cooking for, that she can not have the frybread or even real butter! As you tell her that she can have one slice of multigrain whole wheat bread with a teaspoon of Smart Balance and that you would be willing to get that for her there is a general rule of caution: Smiling at the Angry Ojibwa Woman during this statement is not safe!.
Moral of the Story: The Angry Ojibwa Woman has to live by a set of societal rules that are not always "loved" as you think. She does however love the ones that she is cooking for and sees the happiness that the smell and taste of frybread brings to her loved ones. Her great grandmother and her grandmas before that have passed love through frybread for generations and she will continue to do the same to her children and grandchildren. That is why they put a hole in the middle of the frybread to assure that it has a future! If you are lucky enough to become a frybread student, you will have to bear the responsibility of teaching the next generation so take it seriously. Finally, give the Angry Ojibwa Woman a piece of frybread with real butter no matter what her age and see her smile!
Have a great weekend,